"OH NO....""WHAT'S GOING ON? WHAT'S HAPPENING?'"
"COME! FASTER!"
"WHAT'S WRONG? TELL ME!"
"AH...THAT GIRL...NO..."
------------------------------
MY NAME IS MARY, 19, AND I AM A TUTOR IN XX SCHOOL CAMP. THIS YEAR, WE ARE GOING TO A SMALL TOWN AS FOR EXCHANGE LEARNING GROUP. THERE ARE THIRTY STUDENTS AND FIVE TEACHERS WITH TEN TUTORS. WE RIDE ALL THE WAY UP TO THE TOWN WHICH WE ARE GOING TO STAY THERE FOR A WHILE. BEFORE WE GET THERE, EVERYTHING JUST FINE AND EVERYONE JUST IN THEIR PERFECT POSITION. BUT THERE COMES THE NIGHTMARE...
THE NIGHT WE GET THERE, OUR TEACHERS ALREADY TRY TO START THEIR WORK AND LESSON. FOR US, THE TUTORS, WE HAD BEEN ASK TO CHOOSE ONE OF THE CLASSES TO STAY IN. AFTER ALL THE SETUP, ALL THE TUTOR REMAIN TO THE CLASS THAT WE HAD BEEN CHOOSE.
MY GROUP WAS IN ROOM 1031, AND I AS 1ST GRADER'S TUTOR. BY WALKING IN THE HALLWAY, I FEEL SO HAPPY TO HAVE A GREAT GROUP OF KIDS. BEFORE THAT, I HAD BEEN HEARD ABOUT THIS GROUP. PEOPLE TALKED ABOUT THIS GROUP OF KIDS AND HOW GREAT THEY ARE. THEREFORE, WHEN MY ADVISER HAD ASKED MY OPINION, I MENTIONED IT WITHOUT THINKING ANYTHING. NOW, I AM ALMOST HALFWAY TO MY ROOM AND SUDDENLY, I FEEL NERVOUS AND EXCITING AT THE SAME TIME. WHAT IF THE KIDS DON'T LIKE ME? WHAT IF THE TEACHER NEED NO HELP FROM ME OR I CAN'T PROVIDE ANY HELP FOR HER/HIM? WHAT IF... I AM THINKING SO HARD WHILE I AM NOW STAND OUTSIDE THE CLASSROOM DOOR. "NOTHING SHOULD I BE FEAR ABOUT! I AM HERE BECAUSE I AM HERE, DO YOUR BEST IS THE LAST THING I CAN DO TO MYSELF. GOOD LUCK!" I CLOSE MY EYES AND SAY TO MYSELF. AFTERWARD, I TAKE THE DEEP BREATH. WHEN I FIRST WALK INTO THE CLASSROOM, I AM SHOCK. WHAT I SEE IS NOT WHAT PEOPLE ALWAYS SAID. THE KIDS ARE RUNNING AROUND AND THE CLASSROOM FULL OF NOISES. BESIDE, THE TEACHER SITS IN FRONT OF THE CLASSROOM AND DOING NOTHING TO CLAIM THE CLASS.
WHAT HAPPEN TO THIS CLASS? AM I WALKING INTO THE WRONG ROOM? I BEGIN TO QUESTION MYSELF WHILE I STEP TOWARD TO THE TEACHER.
"HI! MY NAME IS MARY. ARE YOU THE TEACHER OF THE 1ST GRADER?"I ASK RESPECTFULLY.
"WHAT DID YOU SAY?"THE TEACHER SCREAMS TO ME ABOVE ALL THE NOISES. I AM SHOCKING BY THAT GREAT LOUD VOICE.
"REPEAT YOURSELF!"THE TEACHER EXCLAIMS AGAIN.
"MY...MY NAME IS MARY..."I LISP.
"WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU! SAY IT LOUDER!"SHE STANDS UP NEXT TO ME AND PUT HER HAND AROUND ME TRY TO LISTEN BETTER. I DON'T LIKE TO REPEAT MYSELF SO MANY TIMES AND THE WAY SHE ACTS TO THE CLASS MAKE ME FEEL SHAMEFUL AND ANGRY. FIRST, I TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND SHOUT:"I SAY, MY NAME IS MARY! ARE YOU THE TEACHER OF THE 1ST GRADER?"
THIS TIME, EVERYONE IN THE CLASSROOM CAN HEAR ME AND THEY STOP WHAT THEY DOING FOR JUST A SECOND TO TURN THEIR HEAD TO ME. AFTER THAT, THEY CONTINUE THEIR DOING.
"OH YES! MY NAME IS LISA AND YOU ARE MY ASSISTANT?"THE TEACHER HOLDS OUT HER HAND AND QUESTION ME AS I AM HER BAD STUDENT.
"YES, I GUESS SO! "I SHAKE HER HAND LIGHTLY AND FILL OF CONFUSION.
"GOOD! YOUR JOB HERE IS TO WATCH THE KIDS AND MAKE SURE THEY ARE IN THE GOOD SHAPE. OKAY?"LISA GIVES ME NO TIME TO ANSWER OR A SECOND TO ASK. SHE WALKS AWAY FROM ME AND FALLS BACK TO HER CHAIR QUICKLY IN TO HER DREAM WORLD. AND I, STAND IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CLASSROOM KNOW NO ONE IN THIS CLASSROOM. TIME IS PASSING QUICKLY, WHICH I FEEL SO HARD TO STAY IN. FIRST, I TRY TO GET TO KNOW OR TALK TO THEM BUT EVERYONE JUST IGNORE ME. THREE CHANCES GET NO ANSWER AND RESPECT. FINALLY, I REFUSE TO BE ONE OF THEM. I FIND A SIT AND OBSERVE THEM. FOR A LONG TIME, NO ONE FEEL ANY DIFFERENT IN THIS CLASS. THEN, I FEEL SOMEONE JUST TAP MY LEFT SHOULDER. I TURN MY HEAD AND HERE SHE IS. A LITTLE GIRL WITH A MESS PONY TAIL SWING BEHIND HER BACK.
"EXCUSE ME! WHAT IS YOUR NAME?"THE GIRL ASKS SHYLY. I FEEL SO HAPPY THAT FINALLY SOME ONE IN THIS CLASS MIGHT WANT TO TALK AND GET TO KNOW ME.
"MARY! MY NAME IS MARY AND YOU?"I TURN MY WHOLE BODY TO HER AND SAY WITH A BIG SMILE ON MY FACE. BUT WHAT SHE SAID LATERLY IS NOT WHAT I AM EXPECTING.
"YOU DON'T NEED TO KNOW MY NAME BECAUSE I JUST WANT YOU TO GET OFF MY SIT, MARRY!"GIRLS ARE SCARY BECAUSE THEY CHANGE THEIR FACE QUICKLY THAT YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN THEY ARE GOING TO CHANGE. AND THIS GIRL JUST ACTS OUT A GREAT EXAMPLE OF IT.
"GET OFF MY SIT, YOU FOOL MARY!" THE GIRL SEES NO MOVE OF ME SO SHE CROSSES HER ARMS AND SAY IT ROUGHLY. AND IT WORKS! I GET SCARED AWAY AND RUSH OUT TO THE OFFICES.
"WHAT'S WRONG, MARY? YOU LOOK JUST LIKE A TOMATO, NOW."THE ADVISER TRIES TO CHEER ME UP BUT NOTHINGS WORK TO ME.
"OH MY GOD! I CAN STAND IT! THAT 1ST GRADERS ARE CRAZY AND DISRESPECTFUL. I CAN'T STAY THERE ANYMORE. I CAN'T DO IT!"I CRIED TO HER.
"CLAIM DOWN, MARRY! YOU ARE A YOUNG ADULT AND YOU SHOULD KNOW HOW TO TAKE RESPONSE ON THE KIDS AND YOUR CHOICE."THE ADVISER PUTS HER ARM AROUND ME AND SAYS IT AS STRONGLY AS IT CAN.
"BUT..."
"NO! NO! NO, MARY! TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND GO BACK TO YOUR CLASS, THEY ARE WAITING FOR YOU! GO!"AS THE ADVISER FINISHES HER SENTENCE, I AM ALREADY GET PUSH OUT OF THE OFFICES DOOR. WHEN I TRY TO SPEAK AGAIN, THE DOOR ALREADY SHUTS. I AM HOPELESSLY WALK BACK TO THE CLASSROOM. THIS TIME, I FEEL NO MORE HAPPINESS OR EXCITING BY WALKING IN THE HALLWAY BUT COLD AND FEAR.
WHEN I OPEN THE CLASSROOM DOOR AGAIN, I AM TERRIFY. I CAN'T BELIEVE IN MY EYES JUST BECAUSE I SEE A HORRIBLE THING THAT SOME GIRLS HAD DONE. OUT THE WINDOW, THERE'RE TWO GIRLS WHO HANGING OUT HOLD THE WINDOW SWINGING. I OPEN MY EYES WIDEST AND SCREAM. BECAUSE OF MY LOUD VOLUME, EVERYONE STOPS WHAT THEY ARE DOING AND THE TEACHER WAKES AGAIN. THEY LOOK AT ME AS I AM AN ALIEN FROM OUTER SPACE. I RISE UP MY ARM AND POINT STRAIGHT TO THE GIRLS THAT ARE OUTSIDE THE WINDOW. EVERYONE FOLLOWS THE DIRECTION. AS THEY LOOK, THOSE TWO GIRLS ARE MAKING FACES AND TRY TO ACT FUNNY. LISA SLOWLY REALIZES THE PROBLEM AND RUSH TO THE WINDOW.
"WHY ARE YOU TWO PLAY OUT THERE? SLOWLY, GET BACK IN!"LISA PUTS HER ARMS ON HER WAIST AND SHOUT TO THEM. HOWEVER, NOTHINGS WORK SO SHE REACHES OUT AND GRIPS ONE OF THEM. SHE TRIES HARD TO PULL THE GIRL IN.
IN THIS MOMENT, I FEEL DEADLY COLD AND EXSTREMLY GREAT SHAKING ALL OVER MY BODY. I TURN MY BACK TO THEM AND HURRY BACK TO THE OFFICES ASK FOR HELP.
"WHAT'S WRONG AGAIN, MAR..."MY ADVISER ASKS ME IMPATIENTLY BUT I NEVER LET HER FINISH HER SENTENCE. I PUSH HER OUT OF HER OFFICE AND RUN BACK TO THE CLASSROOM. WHEN THE MOMENT I SEE THE WINDOW THROUGH THE CLASSROOM DOOR, I TELL MYSELF MUST GET HURRY.
"OH NO...."I CRIED OUT AND RUN MUCH FASTER.
"WHAT'S GOING ON? WHAT'S HAPPENING?"MY ADVISER FOLLOWS AND KEEP ON QUESTIONING ME.
"COME! FASTER!"I TELL NOTHING BUT YELL OUT TO MAKE HER FOLLOW ME CLOSELY.
"WHAT'S WRONG? TELL ME!"SHE CONTINUES. WHEN I OPEN THE DOOR, ONE OF THE GIRL JUST LET GO OF HER HAND AND FELL RIGHT DOWN TO THE STREET.
"AH...THAT GIRL...NO..."I RUSH TO THE WINDOW AND TRY TO REACH OUT MY HANDS TO HER BUT EVERYTHING JUST TOO LATE.
I KNOW HER! SHE JUST TALKS TO ME! TELLING ME TO GET OFF HER CHAIR AND CALLING ME AS A FOOL! NOW WHAT? SHE SUICIDES! WHAT JUST HAPPENS TO ME? I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT JUST HAPPEN TO ME. YES, SHE IS THAT GIRL WHICH IS YOUNG AND PRETTY. BUT WHY? JUST A MOMENT OR SO, SHE WILL BE RESCUSES... THEN, I WALK RIGHT OUT THE CLASSROOM AND TO THE STREET. I SEE A LITTLE BODY WHICH IS PEACEFULLY LAYING ON THE FLOOR AND HER BLOODS SPREAD ALL AROUND. AS I WALK OUT, I NOTICE THAT THERE ARE A LOT MORE KIDS WHO RUSHES OUT WITH ME. I HUG AND TRY TO INTERRUPT THEIR SIGHT IMMEDIATELY. KIDS ARE CRYING ALL OVER AND RUNING TO THEIR TEACHERS, TUTORS FOR JUST A HUG OR SO. WE ALL WATCH AND SHARE THIS TERRIBLE MOMENT TOGETHER.
FOR US, THIS IS A VERY SAD TIME. AS FOR THE KIDS, THIS IS A TERRIBLE MEMORY FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES. BUT FOR ME, THIS IS MY RESPONSIBILITY THAT NOT TAKING CARE OF THE KID. I FEEL SHAME AND REGRET...
TEN YEARS HAD BEEN PASS, I STILL REMEMBER THAT ACCIDENT. THAT'S THE BLEMISH FOR MY LIFE. BUT THAT GIRL HAD NEVER BEEN DIED, SHE IS AROUND ME ANYTIME AND EVERYWHERE. THE STORY IS BEGINED AFTER SHE FALL OFF THE WINDOW. EVERYONE THINK SHE DIED AFTERWARD BUT I KNOW SHE IS NOT BECAUSE SHE COMES TO ME EVERY YEAR AT THE DAY SHE DIED. THAT'S HALLOWEEN! THE DAY SHE DEAD! SHE WANTS ME! SHE FEELS LONELY IN THE UNDERWORLD, SO SHE WANTS ME. I AM THE LAST ONE WHO HAD TALK TO HER. SHE WANTS ME!!!...
